Just Chantelle's Blog

This morning floods of thoughts went through my mind. I started reflecting on some of the things that have transpired in my life. As I started going through all of my “tragic” situations in my mind, I heard “Will you trust Me?”

I had what was classified as a heart attack at the age of 25. The doctors couldn’t believe it. It would have been more common for a 25 yr old black male but not female. My first thoughts were “oh God, my baby will be alone. He is only 4″… Will you trust Me? Being saved for just some time. All I knew how to do was trust HIM. The doctors come to do an EKG and miraculously, the machine stops in the middle of showing the abnormality. After a few minutes the machine is turned off and back on. My heart is now working as it should…. God has been here….

2004 – I am pregnant with a child from a man I am thinking about marrying. The doctors see that the fibroids in my uterus are smothering the fetus. Will you trust Me?  God, I know I’m wrong for having a child out of wedlock again. Is this my punishment? I follow the doctors second suggestion and have the procedure to remove the fetus and fibroids. I didn’t trust God….

2006 while on Missions in Africa, my son is abused by a church member. Now he is rebelling, hating church and fighting anyone and anything that comes against him. Will you trust Me? God I’m trying to trust you but these suspensions, conferences with teacher, his anger isn’t helping any… Counselling isn’t working and now he is going to other churches while I’m going to my church. I’m trying to keep trusting God…. so, I gave my son to God. He’s not my battle anymore and I won’t give up on him.

2008 was very trying…. I was blessed with a new home but with every blessing, a little rain will fall… two weeks after my move, I’m at work and my hand turns blue and is numb… what in the world?? My coworkers urge me to go to the hospital but I decide to just go home. On the way home, my hand is turning blue again and now I’m slurring when I’m talking… Oh God, what is wrong? I admit myself to the hospital. Will you trust Me?  The doctors think I’m crazy until they see with their own eyes of my hand turning blue. I stay 3 days in the hospital with slurred speech, test of every kind, notions of stroke… After 3 days, the tests are all negative, my speech is back to normal and the doctors are at awe. I trusted God…

A couple of weeks later, I am stressing out still and now there is an issue at the church that I am not available to assist with. I’m scrutinized because I insisted that someone else should have been able to figure out the problem. Now emails are going back and forth and a leader is taking things to another level. Will you trust Me?  I shutdown. I stop defending the issue and keep silent.

A month pass and my son is pending expulsion from school and is being charged with an assault…. To add injury to insult, my eyes are opened about the love of my life. This same week, the doctors tell me I need to have emergency surgery. What?!? This is way too much. Will you trust Me? Now I’m getting emails from a leader in the church that is discouraging… what??? I know God couldn’t have told you that because I have been ignoring foolishness. I visit another church with my son (he likes this church and its close to my house). An evangelist who doesn’t know me prays with me and confirms some things. The doctors schedule my surgery and I give my letter of resignation from my old church. It pains me to leave a great Pastor but God is ordering my steps.

Surgery day arrives and is complete. My mom and godmom are present and now I’m getting these hotflashes…. (we overcome by the word of our testimony…) Will you trust Me? The doctor comes in with a solemn look stating “I’m sorry”. What? What is he talking about? He asks my mom and Godmom if they told me, they both start shaking their head NO… ok… what’s going on??? The doctor explains that he was going to try and be a hero but I had starting loosing too much blood so he took EVERYTHING?  Are you serious God?? How much am I supposed to trust you??? I hear… though he slay me, yet will I trust him….

2009 is depressing… now my womb is bare, I feel empty, I just wanna get drunk and sit… I’m in church but not in church… I’m walking around most of the year is a comotose state…. Will you trust me? God at this point… I’m not sure… I don’t wanna be apart of anything at church, I know I’m an evangelist, you don’t need to remind me. Party? Sure let’s go. Man, if I could get some weed for this pain I would smoke it up!!! Backsliden state for sure but you couldn’t tell me that!!! Girl at work says to me, you are so strong even through all you’re going through you still give the word… inside, I’m crying help!!! No one wants to address me because no one understands… God why have you forsaken me???? Will you trust me?

My son is doing soooo much better with school, he has no Es on his report card and his attitude has turned 90 degrees (he’s a teen….) I’m feeling better and now its time to get into ministry. Ministry keeps me focused. We all need something…

2010 — the year to focus… Will you trust me? Yes. I trust you! Everything is moving fine. Good grades still flowing, nice vacations, a few misleading “friends” (we all need haters), really thinking of marriage again… too much to be true…. Will you trust me? Just when I say YES, something happens…. my son is in a car accident… what? He’s not supposed to be anywhere… get to the scene (one block up) and there’s Monty (my truck) sitting under live wires. Son shaking, don’t know if he’s been electrocuted… I’m not hollering, screaming, yelling, fussing… He’s safe. I whisper a few words to him… everyones trying to figure out my calmness… well… after all the crap I’ve been through (see above and more not written)… this car is material. My one and only seed is alive and I TRUST GOD…. he is able to do exceedingly and abundantly and this too shall past.

When you go through life, you will hit bumps.  He never promised us all good days. You have to learn to speak life. Will you trust GOD??? Not just with the things you see but with everything. This is just a glimpse of thin.gs in my life and I overcome it by testifying. I’m not ashamed of who I am, whose I am or where I am in life. We need to focus on what God wants us to be so that we can be effective in someone else’s life.  Everytime you point your finger at someone, the three fingers that are pointing at you are your checkpoint.  The three fingers represent the Father, the son and the Holy Ghost. So remember while you’re checking someone, you are being checked. Will you trust God to check every area and be transparent? Who cares what people think. Trust God and keep it moving!!!