Just Chantelle's Blog

After a disappointing and eye-opening weekend, I found myself wanting to just talk…. I try but there’s no one to listen. I really needed my best friend but she’s gone. I cry, I pray, I fall asleep… I awake this morning asking God why did he allow me to go through these four years like this.  Heartbreak, lost, church hurt, disappointment  devastation…. At one time, my sin was so tough that I would roll all of it off but now I see that I internalize and then react. I pray for clarity and when God gives it to me I wonder again, why me?  When I woke up this morning and turned the TV on, there was a commercial of a little child “assisting” the father with fixing their car.  The child was all over the place. Asking a zillion question, dropping tools, making a mess… At the end, the child’s last question was “Dad, can God really fix everything?”  and then the dad looks at a bumper sticker that says “What’s the answer?” (Dr. Charles Stanley).

What is the answer?  Can God fix everything?  Can He?

I know he can.  At one time I didn’t need money, cars, clothes, bags, a man, family or friends to help me get through my rough time.  All I had was God, my mom & my son and I was alright.  But now, since the circumstances have been overwhelming, I feel like my skin is thinning and those things mentioned above are what I need… How do I get back?  How do I stop internalizing and keep my faith and focus on the truth?  Where do I go for comfort?  The therapist says to keep writing and sharing, it will help.  My friends say you can call and talk to me (uhh, yeah right), my man says Im here for you (really?)  The only person who has me (physically) is me… God, oh God I am so glad you have not forsaken me although I feel that life has taken its toll on me.

I feel like Samson when he heard that the Philistines… I feel like, Im always there to save people but now they are turned on me and I have nothing to fight with.  Where is that donkey jawbone?  So as I think over my resources available to me, i find that I do have the donkey jawbone aka My Bible.  My answer to all my problems have been there all the time.  Why pay the therapist?  Why depend on friends?  Why go shopping? (wait, hold up…)  Why find comfort in shopping 😉 ?  I have my resources, now its time to put them BACK into EVERY aspect.  I confess that God is not through with me…. And he’s not through with you… The answer is there for you too…. You just have to realize it!!!