Just Chantelle's Blog

I feel so alone in this house.  Yes, I am surrounded by ones who love you and me (family, friends, co-workers) but I am so alone.  You are not here to give me an encouraging word, a side eye, or even a piece of sweet potato cheesecake. We never got to practice the recipe. How can I make it through these functions without the cheesecake and moreover YOU?  There are so many things I need to tell you. So many places I want to take you.

I remember your first plane ride. You were SOOO afraid. So what if you were almost 50.  I was determined to get you through.  Destination, Florida…. Too bad we had to sit on the plane for an hour because of the tornado.  Regardless of what, we had fun at Disney. Just you, me and mooky.

I always wanted to make sure that you lived your life.  Not a big traveller, I got you on two rides (even though I drove most of the way 😉 ) Destination Pompano Beach and ATL baby…. You saw those houses in ATL and said you could live there… I’m gain, let’s do it… I guess we wont move…

You loved looking at the pictures of me and my friends going to St. Marten. You were determined to go.  First year, you got your passport but the trip was cancelled…. I promised that I would get you there… Last year, God allowed us to spend 7 relaxing days in the island.  Second plane ride and its more hours on the plane.  You are seeming like a pro at flying 😉  Get to the hotel and all you want to do is cook and rest.  I wanted you to go to the beaches.  You are Marcellus fussed about why I was dragging you to all of the beaches and they were all the same.  I contended that the sand was different.  You said “OK, I stuck my foot in it, let’s go, its hot” LOL

So now whats next??? Vegas… I guess we will not get there

4th of July on the mall, nope wont do that either.

So what will I do?  I’m in this house feeling like I’m all alone in an empty room… I’m so confused, you weren’t even sick.  The ways of God I cannot understand but he knows whats best.  There will be no more high blood pressure medicine, no more worrying whether I am home at a good time, no more worrying about Mooky hanging out late. No More, just rest a nd joy in the Lord.  You’ve earned your place in Heaven.  The thing that i appreciate the most are the warm condolences that old friends sent me, the warm words of how you impacted some of my friends lives, the stories that all of the family is sharing.

Its just too bad that I feel so alone.  I have a recording of your voicemail message from work.  It has helped me tremendously.  Even though it says leave a message, I know that somehow a word will come to me.  I’ll never forget our times together.  Like the backyard cookout in the rain… LOL… You, me and Angie… Making smoothies under the tent… We were so fat together… The singles events/retreats… interesting and how could I ever forget the mother/daughter retreats…