Just Chantelle's Blog

The dictionary defines final as pertaining to or coming at the end; last in place, order, or time. Since July 7, 2011 everytime I hear the word final I hear the funeral director saying “Final Viewing” this is proceeded by the closing of my moms casket, the cranking sound of the sealing it and a vision of my mom being lowered in the grave…. I ask God continuously to remove the vision, the sounds, the words and give me peace but I find no relief… No one will ever know what this means… Its personal… As strong as I am, I try but when you lose someone as close and as vital as my mom was, you would know the torment I hold… I regret nothing, I treasure everything that we ever did together.  There are no words, no money no nothing that can soothe me… I would give all I have to just have her here with me now… Just to hold a conversation, just to hear her laugh, just to see her Pearlie whites… but it will not happen… So FINAL… its just that… Final… Her time was well spent, just taken too soon from me…. Call me selfish, say what you like… things will never be the same… I’m really trying to let her RIP….